Somehow– I’m not really sure how– I have found myself on an electronic mailing list for the Kimble Group, which is a “recruitment search firm focused on the hiring needs of Fortune 500 companies as well as small businesses nationwide.” I must have clicked on something at some point, maybe at one of those moments where I think that I’ve “had enough” of academia or something, I’m not sure.
Anyway, here is a selection of the hundreds of different jobs these emails have suggested I apply for:
- Substitute Teacher/Paraprofessional
- Assistant Manager, Checkers Drive-In
- Team Leader-Optical Dispenser-OptimEyes
- Licensed Cosmetologist-Detroit Airport Spa
- Assistant principal, Secondary (Detroit Int’l Academy)
- Food and Beverage Supervisor, MGM Grand
- Detroit Red Wings – Red Patrol Member
- Executive Producer, McCann Detroit
- Disk Jockey
- Assistant Professor of Journalism – Public Relations
- Medical Assistant
- Assistant Professor of Cinema Studies – Filmmaking
- Detroit Tigers Foundation Intern
- Medical Assistant-Infectious Disease
- Assistant General Manager, Taco Bell
- Division Head, Hematology/Oncology – Henry Ford Health System
And so forth.
To be fair to the Kimble Group people, I think I was getting random job suggestions like this because I never updated my profile, though that was because I never quite understood how I started getting these emails in the first place. Once I did update it to stuff I could probably actually do (freelance writer and content strategy, for example), I did get an email for jobs I could kinda/sorta apply to.
Still, it’s amusing to me to think that what the Kimble Group was doing was sending me their best guesses as to what someone who has been a college professor for 21 years might be qualified to do, which is to say everything, anything, and nothing all at the same time.