What is important in America (as told by the narrative of magazines at a Wal-Mart)

I found myself in Wal-Mart this afternoon for reasons I won’t even begin to explain. I’m hopeful that no one saw me get out of my car that has bumper-sticker on it which says “Wal-Mart: Source for all of your cheap plastic crap.” Anyway, when Will and I got up to the counter, I looked over the magazine rack and I was struck enough by this to take a picture with my phone:

Jenn and Angolie

Maybe I’m just a little punchy or something, but there’s something rather striking, funny, and disturbing to me that the “news” stand at America’s leading retailer tells this story, as far as I can tell:

  • Angelina’s all-important baby is apparently a boy.
  • Right after she gives birth, I’ll bet she gets right on the tummy flattening routine.
  • Jennifer, despite her forlorn look, is coping, undoubtably because her tell-all book will be on sale soon.
  • Brad, though absent, is apparently a given.
  • Besides A & J and a flat stomach, even more sex tips and a nice garden/patio set-up are worthy desires.

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